On Layoffs

I've coached quite a few people affected by layoffs and keep hearing a similar thing: it feels like being broken up with.

The shock, the rejection, the anger, the questioning of yourself, the fear of what's ahead. And sometimes, even relief.

The break-up image has been useful to explore in coaching. It's helped people make sense of their feelings — and honestly, it's made me look at my own relationship with work too.

But when you start to unpack the idea of being in a relationship with an organisation, the reality is much messier.

Of course, there are very real, very human relationships inside organisations. Friendships that outlast your P45, managers who shape your entire experience of work. And we often look to organisations to meet many of our core relational needs: our need for safety, for belonging, for feeling seen, heard and valued. Our sense of self gets tangled up in work. Our careers can easily become our identity.

Organisations — whether consciously or not — reinforce this. They cultivate emotional engagement. They talk of shared missions and values. They celebrate anniversaries. They promise reward if we give them more. So we sacrifice time with loved ones, blur the boundaries between work and life. All to meet the needs of the business.

We know, intellectually, that organisations aren't people. But we still relate to them as if they were. We can't help but attach, because humans are relational beings at our core. It's what we do.

The relationship with organisations, though, is structurally transactional. It's emotionally one-sided by design.

So we are attached to something that can't return our feelings. Not won't. Can't.

Maybe this mismatch is what makes layoffs feel less like a business decision and more like heartbreak.