Too People-focused

I was passed over for promotion once. The feedback? I was "too people-focused." This was a people leader role, by the way.

I've thought about that phrase a lot over the years.

It came back to me when watching Louis Theroux's documentary on the manosphere. The men in it perform a specific version of masculinity, projecting strength at all costs and rejecting anything that reads as feminine. Their world is divided into hardness and softness, with a very clear sense of what has value and what doesn't.

I know this world. Growing up gay in 1980s Liverpool, you learn very quickly what version of being a man is accepted and what's not. That feedback I received about the promotion didn't come from nowhere. I've heard different flavours of it my entire life.

It shows what type of work is most valued in organisations. Emotional intelligence is treated as secondary. Relational skills are called "soft", as though they have no impact unless they show up on a spreadsheet. And people-focused functions like HR, L&D, DEI (work mostly done by women, funny that!) are often put into a different category than what's considered "the real work."

The manosphere isn't confined to dark corners of the internet. It's closer than you think — just dressed up in smarter clothes.

A people leader who's too focused on people. Make it make sense.